i will stop cutting when you stop cheating.

i watch it flow
the blood dripping from my arms
sometimes i wish
i would cut a little too deep,
so the blood could match the tears dripping from my eyes
and its all your fault
you cheat, you lie
you arent the guy i thought.
i'll stop when you stop.

Lonliness And Lies.

Back to that time
When everything disapeared
The sun the moon the sky even the
fear
Back into a cave
A cave of trance, clouded dreams and false judgements
Basing things on a simplistic primus that doesn't even exist
Longing to belong
And thinking you do.
Giving it all and still receiving nothing.
There is something...
One thing I do know...
There is no such thing as "Love"
And there never was so...

I hear you.

I am tired
of all the lies
I am tired of hearing whispering sounds
stop and stare?
not expecting me to be around?
to hear you
say something,
something 'not so nice'
then act like your joking?
and give me your idiotic advice?
dont tell me that it was nothing,
nothing as you choke...
or it was a joke?
meer giggling between friends can lead to someone swallowing more pills...
then she should...
it never failed...
she wanted to be in hollywood..
now shes 'hollywood dead'
she will fade..
your mind one day...
like a bullet shot through her head...

JAC.

mood swings
from wet dreams
loving you,
and feeling the need to hide it
because, it may all be gone one day
and i may be alone
to love you is a cure for my loneliness, my wild ways.
a curse for those who wanted you,
and those who wanted me too.
and a diesease,
a plague, a pestilence for which there is no known cure
for you baby you've done what no boy has ever done before
youve repaired this shattered heart
put bandaids on wounds that for years have been ripped appart.
piece by piece 'if it takes a thousand years'
you'd say
you wont allow me,
no you can't allow me
to rot and fade away
so i will wait
i'll wait for the day
when we can be together again
holding your hand
then ill say
i love you forever...
you are my leading man..

Stop!!!

A not so 'oh so poetic' kind of life.
hiding.
going through everything imaginable,
and facing it alone.
not knowing when to speak up or to shut up
to back down or to let down
screaming on the inside smiling on the out
smearing tear stained eyeliner
face smile cut across her mouth

Killing a lover

I ate her
I didnt mean to
I didnt mean to kill her
she was being means
and saying things she knew that simply wasnt true
blaspamous acusations of things i would never do
so i grabbed her
shaking as to say this is "silly"
the only word, the only not-so-articulent word i could think of
she started to laugh hysterically
as i cried the same way
I banged her head on the wall
she falls
"drama queen"
I say
but she wont get up
she is still now
and ive had enough
quit your shit
and get the fuck up (lol)
i grab her head and felt what i assumed to be tears
pulled out my head to see it covered in the red of my lovely dear
i didnt know what to do
in a manic desperate panic
i grabbed a knife
chop chop chop
in with the bones and skin
into the pot
and her beauitful eyes float within

Untitled

Cut my wrist and let me bleed all of the uglyness of you out of my soul
your fucking sick thoughts caught hold of me
twisting me
changing me into something im not
I'm not a stupid robot
someone you brought
but you treated me as such
when you knew I loved you so much
and I did anything for you
when my friends said you were shit
I definded you
late nights waiting
I told you I'd wait for ever
you told me we'd be together for ever
I thought this could never be true
but once again I trusted you
but then I had enough
your harshness and control became just too much
so I break free
like the bee from the flower
flying off
for geting the hours we shared
talking about how many kids we'd have
its all gone now and I'm never coming back
you said you'd kill your self
I'm still waiting for that
what a drag
I see youre still around
and I talk to you
I see you've changed
I'm not used to the new you
new things you do
now youre like me
when I first met you
weak and vonerable

Pulse

i watched you die
I touched your arms and felt them turn cold
i see your lips turn from pink to blue to purple
i felt your heart slowly stop with every breath
your pulse is fluttering gone
your eyes stand still
no more blinking
gone is your bodies free will
your hand loses its hold on mine
your soul is in another place now
and because of this
i can finally break free.
I can finally be me.